The Top Ten Ways of Becoming Fair

Background: This was written as an irritated response to some of the serious feedback that I received from those who actually took the contents of my piece titled “Black, White and Various Shades of Brown” (1.2), seriously. This was written in September 2000.

An earlier article of mine “Black, White and Various Shades of Brown” keeps showing up on search engines when people look for information on fairness products and creams.

In the last two months I have received mail from four individuals who in all seriousness have asked me to help them with information on fairness products. Two of those mails are reproduced below.

“Respected,

Let introduce to you myself that I belongs to Pakistan and 29 female. My question is what kind of cream I use to make my face little fair. As the people don’t like black completion in here and Im confused about my completion. So please help in this regard.

Your suggestion is highly appricate.

Suggest me the cream or the recipies for the cream or ? which is easy availabl in my country

Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation

regard.
Rozina”

and

“Dear Sir
I have gone through an interesting article “Black, White and Various Shades of Brown” by you on web.

I am a Management student of Christ College Bangalore and doing a similar study on fairness creams “Consumer attitude towards the Fairness Creams in India”

I will be great full to you if you can help me in my study by forwarding any other such report or the Project Report you have mentioned in your article.

With Regards
Kamal”

I have put together a list of the top ten ways of becoming fair, so that I have a ready answer for all those who ask me stupid questions on fairness products and fair/dark studies.

“The Top Ten Ways of Becoming Fair”

10. Surround yourself with darker people.

9. Use talcum powder constantly, all over the exposed parts of your body…it would also be a good idea to buy shares in Johnson & Johnson.

8. Rub pumice stone all over your body; the Koli women use it on their legs to get rid of hair…it also leaves their skin fairer and lighter.

7. Immerse yourself in a tub of an industrial bleaching agent…twice a day for a year.

6. Migrate to the Arctic for at least 20 years…the lack of exposure to the sun will make your skin fair.

5. Wear a burkha permanently…it may have the same effect as going to the Arctic.

4. Research the leukoderma (albino) gene and inject it in your body.

3. Research the melanin pigment gene and invent an anti-melanin agent.

2. Ask John Woo and get a skin transplant done from a fair person (remember Face-Off?).

1. Contact Michael Jackson.

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